her unsaid wishes: a poem

A poem:

She stared off at space again

Watching the frosty clouds drift in the vast foreign landscape

The wind whipped at her skin, making her look longingly towards the brightness,

She hoped the sun would not burn her today.

Maybe she could catch a lonely cloud,

Feel its velvet softness touch her skin,

Cocoon herself in its warmth and hide untill the night falls.

Oh how she wished she could fly,

To have beautiful wings lifted up in flight 

To slide along the smooth planes of the horizon as if she owned the sky.

But what then?

She asked herself hopelessly 

The light would still burn,

reopen old wounds,

Bring back ugly memories

she so wanted to forget.

Sometimes, she likes to sing

To let her voice drown out the silence

Sometimes her voice would tremble and fill her with uncertainties,

Scars that'll remind her of empty promises and unhealed wounds

Vacant eyes that once held a galaxy now lost to nothingness.

Sometimes, her silent feet will move

dancing to the rhythm of her shaking limbs

The barest of her breaths that 

remind her that she's still here and alive, 

And still breathing.

Sometimes She just paints herself dark,

Just to feel as though she belonged

 with the night,

that she could find comfort in its coldness, a home among the stars,

And just close her eyes and let go,

Forget everything and start anew.

She wishes that the sky would 

take her far away from this place,

towards a new light.

She hoped that she could finally find freedom far away from herself 

Where she left all her memories die,

And the tendrills of her past that curled at her feet.

She wished that the moon could

make her forget, 

undo her past and erase the traces of those bitter memories from her heart. 

But the moon just smiles,

 kisses her cheeks and 

melts into the waves of the ocean.

A silent retribution of never going back

And not changing things, 

things she could have done differently if only she had time on her hands. 

Maybe she could chase after the moon,

 Bury herself in the ocean, 

drown everything out and drift so peacefully 

Like the burnt orange clouds

in the auburn sky, 

like the soft murmers of the wind that rushes away with the night.

She could just free fall

And dissolve into the depths of the unknown.

"Maybe this is what freedom tastes like,"

She thought,

"Of sad realities and me"

She sadly whispers to herself 

and shuts her eyes, 

waiting untill the night comes, 

to bid her final goodbye to the sky that was never hers and finally fade away 

with the calmness of the night.

daughter of seclusion

~iniya